Translating Wally

While it is not entirely clear, in his column today it appears that Wally Hall is trying to offer the so-called Razorback Nation the balm of perspective over the almost certain prospect of the Razorbacks maybe and I mean maybe winning only one more game this season. But, Wally being Wally, he has to do a pretty thorough job of mangling the English language in the process.

Every now and again, I try to deconstruct Wally as a public service for his eye-rubbing readers. So here goes.

"No college football program has more loyal fans than that of the University of Arkansas"- Empirically unprovable and certainly questionable given the existence of LSU, Texas and Ohio State, to name but a few, this paragraph is a good way to ease in and take up column space.

"The numbers who left early (Saturday night) to beat the traffic were really low."-The numbers that left early because the Hogs were stinking the joint up were considerably higher.

" It is not disloyal either that since Saturday many have shared the thought that their beloved Razorbacks might not win another game."-It is also reality based thinking since some people have thought this since last January. Houston Nutt comes to mind.

"[T]he Razorbacks will win another game and be competitive in others."-Surely to God they will beat Tulsa.

" The intent here is not to blow sunshine or build false hopes."-Blow sunshine?

" It probably doesn't matter that Western Illinois bounced out of its heart breaker against the Hogs by beating Quincy 63-0 or that the Razorbacks had almost 100 more yards of offense than Auburn did against Louisiana-Monroe"-But I am going to mention it anyway because I am betting that 2/3 of my readers have never heard of the phrase "invidious comparison." That and I don't blow sunshine.

" Yes, the debate continues about the previous coaching staff and this one."-It has been in all the papers recently.

"The Razorbacks have great fans...despite the names of the coaches...the Razorback Nation is loyal to it's team."-Maybe I shouldn't have used the word despite.

I, for one, am looking forward to Wally this season as he tries to circumnavigate the fact that the Hogs are going to really suck this year and not offending anybody up in Fayetteville. It would be hard enough for a skillful columnist.

It will be harder still for an illiterate hack who routinely lames out of any criticism he has for The Program by, well, blowing sunshine.