OK Fine... There's a Federal Judge in New York who was a bunny at the Playboy Club up there at one time. One of our state Supreme Court Judges was Miss Heber Springs or some shit.
This means nothing to me. The fact that she swung her ass for a free ride at a college is no worse than our beauty queens doing the same thing.
There are a million reasons to vote against her. This ain't one of 'em.
Monday, September 29, 2008
OK Fine... There's a Federal Judge in New York who was a bunny at the Playboy Club up there at one time. One of our state Supreme Court Judges was Miss Heber Springs or some shit.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
" I know perfectly well that the Clark Street in Chicago doesn't have an "e" after the "k," he said, in a telephone interview held earlier Sunday afternoon. " I never told Amy why I liked the name Clark Addison because she would have never stood for having her kid named after the intersection where Wrigley Field sits. She finally told me that she would go along with the name if we could add an "e" to Clark.
I couldn't very well say no without spilling the beans so I went along with it. It wasn't until one of our Virginia Beach neighbors who was a Cubs fan came over to see the new baby. He went on and on about how cool it was that we named him after Wrigley Field's address.
Boy. You should have seen the daggers that got stared into me from across the room when she heard that."
Oddly enough, I feel better now. I mean, if you are going to name a Southern kid Clarke you might as well name him Trevor or something else to justify the ass-kickings he is going to take over his name.
Clarke got his name so Amy wouldn't find out about the Cubs angle until after the Certificate of Live Birth got signed.
And that my friends, is a perfect John story.
A lady friend of mine told me the other day that it was her working theory that all men were slightly autistic in that we fixate on things that don't much matter such as sports and baseball stats due to an impaired ability to relate to women or otherwise get in touch with our emotions.
That's certainly why I watch sports. And her point would be?
With all that in mind, my brother John turned me on to this video a week or so ago. John has been queer for the Cubs for about 25 years for reasons that are beyond me. He even named his son Clarke Addison after the intersection where Wrigley Field is located although one would have thought that someone as "eat up" with the Cubs as John is would have gotten the spelling of Clark Street correctly.
ANyway, I want the Cubs to win for a couple of reasons. The Cubs, like the New Orleans Saints and the Vanderbilt Commodores, have been so dreadful for so long that it would be nice to actually witness any one of them winning a championship just so I can say in all honesty that I have seen it all.
Secondly, I would like the Cubs to win for no reason other than it just might cause the most narcissistic fan base in sports-worse than the Red Sox even-to finally STFU.
Enjoy. I gotta run. The Sports Reporters are about to come on.
PS...Do the Razorbacks suck or what?
I know that lots of friends of mine watched as they are political junkies. Some of them are professionals in that line of work. So they watch debates much as I might watch a sporting event. I'm just not tthat interested in the spectacle of politics although I confess that I might watch the Palin-Biden debate to see if she if she remains as loopily incoherent as she has been thus far on the stump. But if there's a good college football game on at that time, I will probably watch that instead.
I might watch if the candidates could depart from their talking points for long enough to tell the truth about what they really think. Or admit to making a mistake or that their thinking on any particular issue has evolved from a previously articulated stand. Just think:
Barack Obama: "Where do those whack jobs in the Republican Party get off calling me an elitist? Granted, I was on law review at Harvard while my opponent's choice for VP attended 15 different colleges before getting an undergrad degree. But where did my opponent go to school? The United States Naval Academy. Which ain't exactly Phoenix University.
And sure, my numbers on health care and taxes don't add up. But none of that matters because no matter the form of the bailout of the financial markets, whoever gets elected will be inheriting a complete mess. And yes, I was in the Senate while this bomb was ticking and maybe I should have actually paid attention to those reports getting sent in to the Congress by Freddie and Fannie that had been cooked to a fair-the-well. But getting ready to run for President can keep a guy pretty busy.
While I am proud of my vote against the war in Iran, I gotta admit that this surge thing seems to be working. I didn't see that one coming. Bad on me but thank God. As long as we can get out of the Middle East with fewer casualties and on a quicker timetable? That's all that matters."
John McCain: "Thank God for the surge. Maybe that will cause voters to forget that I was all for this incompetently prosecuted fool's errand that has cost us so much in blood and treasure.
Sarah Palin? Was my choice of her for VP a cynical attempt to placate the religious nuts that I have no use for other then the fact that they have the franchise? Or was it the intemperate, go-with-the- gut coin toss for which some say disqualifies me to have my finger on the button? Fuck, I don't care. You decide. Pick one.
Oops. I did it again.
OK. The Charles Keating thing? Wish I could have a do-over. The economy? No clue. Not my thing. No biggee. You think anybody else has got a clue how to defuse this bomb W.left one of us to deal with? Making noises about cancelling the debate. Bad idea in retrospect. But hey! I showed up didn't I?
Oh. The prisoner of war thing. I did my duty for the country that I love to the best of my ability. Doesn't mean I'm any better or any worse than any other man or woman that ever wore the uniform. I am one tough son of a bitch. I will admit that. But so is Brian Ehrlacher. That's no reason to vote for him for President either."
But we would never hear anything like that from either candidate in any debate. So I didn't watch.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Oh. And I will probably wind up getting sued before it is all over.
As my friend Laura the Lawyer over in Jackson put it, " When I was a girl I used to practice writing my little boyfriend's name next to mine in case we got married. I suggest that you practice writing the word 'defendant' besides yours."
But thank God for insurance.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
" I don't get Little Rock. The people here...I dunno. I mean, I'm not feeling the love, ya know? Branson? I get the love. Heber Springs. Heber Springs! A little town north of here? I get the love. I don't get the love in Little Rock."
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Guard Buddy: I just had a tmfw moment.
Me: A what?
GB: You know. The kind of crazy shit that happens to you kind of moment.
Me: Congratulations! What happened?
GB: I get a call on the cell phone here at Camp Robinson. I notice a 228 area code. Remember when I was deployed down there after Katrina?
GB: Remember that lady that worked for one of the cellular providers down there that got us all those phones?
GB: It was her. I guess she saved my number in her phone. Anyway, she called me saying she had some legal problems.
GB: Said she needed to retain me to sue Breaking Benjamin.
GB: Breaking Benjamin. They are an indie band. You'd know 'em if you had a teenager in the house.
Me: OK. Why does she want to sue a band?
GB: They are stalking her.
GB: Yeah and her husband is believing all those lies that they are telling him. That's why she had to go to the psych ward.
Me: Breaking Benjamin.....
Me: How did you get out of this conversation?
GB: I told her that she needed to hire a Louisiana lawyer.
GB: What? Are you crazy?
Me: I don't think so....
GB: They are all in cahoots with her husband and Breaking Benjamin.
Me: Every lawyer in Louisiana.
Me: How did you end it?
GB: I just told her that I would have to think on it and call her back. That seemed to pacify her and she hung up.
Me: Did she seem crazy when you were down there?
GB: She was no crazier than anything else that was going on at the time. Maybe I just didn't catch it. But I just wanted to report that I finally experienced a tmfw moment.
Me: Lucky you. My life has gotten a lot easier since the advent of caller ID. I suggest that you keep an eye out for any further calls from the Baton Rouge area.
GB: I have some advice for you too.
GB: Don't listen to any Breaking Benjamin. That shit'll make you crazy.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Presbyterians and Methodists are without power although, oddly enough, the little crazy Anglican church on Lee was spared God's wrath and its elderly congregation was creeping in as per usual. Catholics are a going concern as I hear the bells calling the congregation to 11 o'clock mass. Either that or they are being dismissed from 10 o'clock. Msgr. Thomas is a notoriously fast worker.
Traffic light out at Kavanaugh and Beechwood and the Brazilian restaurant closed for lack of power. I went to my little gym to do my daily allotment of "updowns" on the mats. The trainer calls them "burpies." If you ever played football in the seventies you called 'em updowns. Which are just what they sound like. They are as delightful today as they were in 1971. Anyway, the power was on there, one block over from the Brazilian joint. Hard to figure.
Trucks from Entergy and the City running up and down Van Buren. My brother's power over in Pleasant Valley where the rich white folks live went out last night.
Anyway, he's back up and running.
Off to forage for sustenance. That is all for now.
I woke up around 5 to the amusing sound of transformers blowing up somehwere north of me. Although the alarm clock flickered and I heard the AC compressor momentarily fail to catch, the power stayed on as did the cable.
Not much debris in the yard. Thank God I had the unusual good sense to have a tree service come in last week and really prune back the trees. The end result is that there is not nearly as much shit to pick up as there was after Gustav.
The air is cool and drier. Only 30 % chance of rain today. The weather this upcoming week is supposed to be absolutely delightful with highs in the seventies and lows in the fifties.
But godalmighty, Houston looks like a war zone. We are awfully lucky around here. It could have been, and was supposed to be, far, far worse.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
I am busy doing the work of the Lord. And I ain't suited to it.
Will return soon!
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Every now and again, I try to deconstruct Wally as a public service for his eye-rubbing readers. So here goes.
"No college football program has more loyal fans than that of the University of Arkansas"- Empirically unprovable and certainly questionable given the existence of LSU, Texas and Ohio State, to name but a few, this paragraph is a good way to ease in and take up column space.
"The numbers who left early (Saturday night) to beat the traffic were really low."-The numbers that left early because the Hogs were stinking the joint up were considerably higher.
" It is not disloyal either that since Saturday many have shared the thought that their beloved Razorbacks might not win another game."-It is also reality based thinking since some people have thought this since last January. Houston Nutt comes to mind.
"[T]he Razorbacks will win another game and be competitive in others."-Surely to God they will beat Tulsa.
" The intent here is not to blow sunshine or build false hopes."-Blow sunshine?
" It probably doesn't matter that Western Illinois bounced out of its heart breaker against the Hogs by beating Quincy 63-0 or that the Razorbacks had almost 100 more yards of offense than Auburn did against Louisiana-Monroe"-But I am going to mention it anyway because I am betting that 2/3 of my readers have never heard of the phrase "invidious comparison." That and I don't blow sunshine.
" Yes, the debate continues about the previous coaching staff and this one."-It has been in all the papers recently.
"The Razorbacks have great fans...despite the names of the coaches...the Razorback Nation is loyal to it's team."-Maybe I shouldn't have used the word despite.
I, for one, am looking forward to Wally this season as he tries to circumnavigate the fact that the Hogs are going to really suck this year and not offending anybody up in Fayetteville. It would be hard enough for a skillful columnist.
It will be harder still for an illiterate hack who routinely lames out of any criticism he has for The Program by, well, blowing sunshine.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
My friends in Baton Rouge tell me that it looks like a war zone. Power won't be fully restored until sometime next week. Trees are down everywhere. Marge's parents live in one of the older neighborhoods there. One of their neighbor's house got t-boned by a tree. They had to pull them out of the bathroom window. You don't need that kind of shit in your eigthies. Last night's text message was that Gustav was 10 times worse than Katrina.
Jim would agree. He says it is a miracle that none of the trees on his property landed on his house. He has a generator so he has been able to keep the lights on after a fashion. But he couldn't find gas to run it anywhere close to his house in Ascension Parish. So he drove to Hammond yesterday. That's damn near to Mississippi. To buy gas. Jim says that when he retires he is leaving Louisiana. He has had it.
And not to make to fine of a point about how bad things are in BR, but LSU postponed last night's football game. LSU wouldn't postpone a football game for the Second Coming.
By the time Gustav showed up in central Arkansas he was tired of travelling. So he hung around for 3 days and completely soaked Little Rock and Hot Springs. Power was out for about 20000 people in the LR area. It still isn't fully restored. My yard is littered with tree limbs and other debris. A live oak fell on top of one neighbor's house. Miraculously, she still has power. And more importantly, Internet access.
I have never seen so much rain. I never want to see it again.
At times like these, some people wonder just where the hell our supposedly loving and omnipotent God is when human suffering is abundant. Then again, some people don't.
While all this was going on, a woman of my acquaintance was making preparations to move to another state to be with a man. I know this woman on a casual basis. Pretty much all I know about her, apart from the fact that she seems to be a genuinely nice person, is what I glean from the postings on her Facebook page. She is evidently an evangelical type. She seems to have taken up with a man who is of the same persuasion if his posts are any indication.
It's amazing what people put out there for the world to see. In his posts, her boyfriend, fiancee, whatever, makes repeated references to how God is "moving" in their lives, how she will be "delivered" and how much he LOVES HER!!!!!!!!
Don't get me wrong. I hope this all works out for her. She is a nice person. And I hope that the new man in her life is good to her and, mostly, that he is not more full of shit than a Christmas turkey. I don't think at this stage in my life I would move to the next county to be with somebody, much less another state. Especially if she TALKED LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!
Besides, I don't anymore believe that God intervenes in human history to hook people up than I believe that He fixes sporting events. God evidently can't stop genocide in Darfur. He can't persuade women not to blow themselves up in the Middle East. He can't cure cancer or AIDS. And he couldn't keep Gustav offshore.
If God doesn't have anything better to do than be the teleological version of match.com than He is the God of that which does not much matter. And I say to hell with Him.
I hope my friend got lucky. Like I said, she is a nice person and I wish her nothing but happiness. But I don't confuse good fortune or plain dumb luck with the law of the universe.
I do know that we need a lot more luck around here.
Because God seems to be busy doing something else.
Saturday, September 06, 2008
A portly fellow with a goatee gets out. He walked around back of the car to make sure that he wasn't blocking my driveway.
"You're good!" I call out.
He stands in my yard and with his hands on his hips and a weird expression on his face.
"Do I see a Tulane shirt?" he said.
Indeed he did. "Tulane Baseball" was writ large across my chest.
" Did you go to Tulane?' he asked while walking up my front walk.
" Yeah. I went to law school there."
He looks at the ground and shakes his head ruefully.
" I couldn't get in," he volunteers. "And I was a legacy."
"I don't know how I got in," I stammer, trying to lighten the mood.
" My father graduated from there. I was a legacy. Oh well. It doesn't matter."
I don't say anything.
Finally he looks up.
"Would you like to sell programs for the Lions Club at the game this afternoon?"
" Well, thanks for asking but I am going with my brother."
" It's really a good deal. It's a lot better than selling cokes and stuff. You get in free and you get to watch the game while you are selling programs. Can't do that when you are downstairs selling cokes and stuff. "
" Sounds like a great deal indeed," I say, lying through my teeth.
He starts walking away.
"Guess I better head down," he says. " Let me know if you ever have an interest in the Lions Club. I tell everybody that." I smile and nod by way of response.
I bet he does tell everybody. But it would be hard to take him up on that invitation under the circumstances even if I were so inclined. Which I am not.
I have no earthly idea who that man was. And I get the impression that there are a whole of people that don't know him either.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
As in the real world. Where people shake hands and go have beers and stuff.
That's kinda scary if you think about it. I'm glad that nobody was pretending to be a woman or anything else weird during this time.
Anyway, unlike tmfw, Floaty actually gives a rip about potential career ramifications of blogging and so his ID will remain a secret. Unless of course, I need money or something. Then I will blackmail him as I have his e-mail at work.
Check out Extroverted Introvert in the Society of Friends located on the bottom left of the page.
BTW...this Floaty is not to be confused with Floaty McDonald who wrote scathing posts about the Arkansas media. Evidently, he got outed and was forced to pull down his blog.
We hope the same fate does not befall the current Floaty. And it shouldn't as long as I gets my money.
Monday, September 01, 2008
This is overkill. The fact that she is going to have the baby is commendable. This is her choice. Getting married? I have my doubts that this will happen once the election is over.
What do I think? I think that kids do what kids do. They experiment with things they ought not to fool around with. That's certainly what I did. And that's what you did. Doesn't matter who you parents are. As Barack Obama pointed out, his Mother was 18 when she had him.
I'm just sorry that this girl is the focus of so much attention. And if McCain knew about this, as has been said, why appoint the Mom? I mean, it's cool but nobody is going to find this out? It's not nearly on the level of cynicism of the Elizabeth Edwards and John Edwards thing.
I take that back. If you know that your teenage daughter is pregnant when you are offered the appointment, how on God's green Earth can you put such pressure on your kid?
That poor kid. That's my take on it.
There were kids and dogs in the yard and our mood was lightened by the possibility that Gustav might pretty much bypass New Orleans and be a relative dud to boot! Our mood was also lightened by the whiskey.
Even Uncle John, who was at death's door last week, tried a rib which ain't exactly on the diet just yet. Since he didn't keel over in pain I guess his gut is on the mend.
All in all, I would have to call last night a success.
Like 95% of South Louisiana, she and her husband are on the lam. But it looks like everybody might get to come home soon.