Thursday, January 27, 2005

The Ledge Gets To Work

We have an acquaintance that served in the Arkansas Legislature for a number of years. He once told us that he was never surprised nor offended by any of the nutbar laws or resolutions that the 'Ledge might cook up during the average Session.

"The Arkansas Legislature is nothing more than a cross-section of the people of the state," he explained. "You have your professional people, your small town business types, and the agriculture folks. And then you got some dumbasses."

We leave it to Gentle Reader to decide which sampling of that cross-section has distinguished itself thus far in this Session with the introduction of bills that would a) require textbooks used in Arkansas public schools to define marriage as being a union between a male and a female whenever those textbooks define "marriage" and b) ban illegal aliens from receiving "public benefits" from the State. Both are breathtaking examples of utter dumbassness. There. I said it.

Let us consider first the bill that would ban illegal aliens from "public benefits." In the first place the bill doesn't define what those "public benefits" might be. Is it emergency room care? Education in public schools? Who knows? Another problem with this proposed legislation is that the menace that it targets pretty much flies under the radar being in the country illegally and all. Not to worry, they thought this through. The bill requires prospective employers to make diligent inquiry on this issue as part of the employment interview. Failure to do so, and to not notify the authorities when an illegal is ferreted out would be a misdemeanor.

Whoa. Not only does this bill turn the hiring hall into a neighborhood watch group, it places the onus upon an employer to ask certain questions of an prospective employee that may well violate federal discrimination laws.

Nice work, guys!

Turning now to the definition of marriage issue, suffice it to say that we would make bold to predict that your average Arkansas schoolkid, although she may be taught in a district that is its own private Liechtenstein, may know nothing of modern notions such as Evolution or the General Theory of Relativity, and will fail to receive these lessons in a substandard building, she pretty much has gotten a handle on who generally gets married in her local church house. And it ain't the guys that run the antique store where her mama goes.

The folks that supported this work of genius are the same tedious lot that come out of the woodwork whenever they perceive that "family values" are being threatened. In this case, they are being proactive and giving full flower to their bigotry on the front end.

And it is bigotry against gay folks, pure and simple. They say they are just bringing textbooks used in Arkansas in line with the definition in the Arkansas Constitutional amendment which recently passed overwhelmingly. They fact that they have a political agenda has nothing to do with it. And besides, they don't hate homosexuals. They love homosexuals. They hate the sin.

"Hate the sin, love the sinner" is the slogan I believe. Right. It is to laugh.

In the first place, they don't talk like that about any other kind of sinnin'. Have you ever heard anyone say, " Love the serial killer, hate it that sometimes he wants to kill and kill and kill?" Of course not. Secondly, this slogan ignores the fact that hating an immutable characteristic that defines a person is tantamount to hating the person himself. You might as well hate a gay person for being carbon based. And no, I don't believe for one minute that bullshit about homosexuality being a lifestyle choice like smoking or golf. But more on that in a later blog.

In closing, imagine how a master of propaganda like Hitler could have used this reasoning to explain away his racial policies: " Love the Jews, hate the Jewishness." Or "Love the Poles, but need the room."

As has been said, those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it. That's the problem with dumbasses. They never learned much history to begin with.

It's gonna be a long Session.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Things We Know

We recently received an e-mail from a friend that had an attachment entitled " The Top Ten Things Men Know About Women."

When opened, the attachment showed the numbers 1-10 with nothing listed besides them.


Well, we don't know much about women but we know a few things. And so, on this the maiden voyage (sorry) of TMFW, we make bold to set out :

1) Their Moms? Don't go there.
2) They always know when you look at another woman in the room.
3) Her story about how many sex partners she has had is bullshit.
4) So what? So is yours.
5) Their Daddies? You really don't want to go there.
6) Women, as a rule, like to talk on the phone more than guys.
6 a) Hence, "Caller ID" was probably invented by a man.
7) Women hate it when a guy gives them lingerie or roses. Roses are a cliche and mark you for the amateur that you are. There is a saying in the theatre to the effect that when you put a gun over the fireplace in the first act, you have to use it by the third. She is thinking along these lines when you try to give her lingerie.
8) Women love men who cook. What the hell, even if you screw it all up she will be touched by the attempt.
9) Women's intuition is pretty much bullshit except for dealing with small children.
10) She knows a hell of a lot more about cars and sports than you think.
10a) She knows a hell of a lot more about a lot of stuff than you think.
All knowledge does not reside with us here at TMFW. Feel free to add to this list as you see fit.