Vox Populi: My Buddy In The Guard

I got a call last Sunday afternoon. It was from my buddy in the National Guard.

Guard Buddy: I just had a tmfw moment.

Me: A what?

GB: You know. The kind of crazy shit that happens to you kind of moment.

Me: Congratulations! What happened?

GB: I get a call on the cell phone here at Camp Robinson. I notice a 228 area code. Remember when I was deployed down there after Katrina?

Me: Sure.

GB: Remember that lady that worked for one of the cellular providers down there that got us all those phones?

Me: Yeah.

GB: It was her. I guess she saved my number in her phone. Anyway, she called me saying she had some legal problems.

Me: Oh?

GB: Said she needed to retain me to sue Breaking Benjamin.

Me: Who?

GB: Breaking Benjamin. They are an indie band. You'd know 'em if you had a teenager in the house.

Me: OK. Why does she want to sue a band?

GB: They are stalking her.

Me: Uh-ohhhhhhhh....

GB: Yeah and her husband is believing all those lies that they are telling him. That's why she had to go to the psych ward.

Me: Breaking Benjamin.....

GB: Right.

Me: How did you get out of this conversation?

GB: I told her that she needed to hire a Louisiana lawyer.

Me: And?

GB: What? Are you crazy?

Me: I don't think so....

GB: They are all in cahoots with her husband and Breaking Benjamin.

Me: Every lawyer in Louisiana.

GB: Yes.

Me: How did you end it?

GB: I just told her that I would have to think on it and call her back. That seemed to pacify her and she hung up.

Me: Did she seem crazy when you were down there?

GB: She was no crazier than anything else that was going on at the time. Maybe I just didn't catch it. But I just wanted to report that I finally experienced a tmfw moment.

Me: Lucky you. My life has gotten a lot easier since the advent of caller ID. I suggest that you keep an eye out for any further calls from the Baton Rouge area.

GB: I have some advice for you too.

Me: What?

GB: Don't listen to any Breaking Benjamin. That shit'll make you crazy.