I went to see my friend and colleague Laurie compete in the ATA Taekwondo World Championships that are going on even as we speak here in Little Rock. That's Laurie on top doing her thing. The guy with all the fruit salad is not a member of the Joint Chiefs that just happened by. That is a Grand Master. This accounts for why he is channeling for Admiral Halsey.
Anyway, I guess I didn't really know what to expect having never seen such an event before. I actually had it in my head that I was gonna get to see chicks fighting as in eye gouging, ovary kicking, hair pulling and diving off chairs while screaming " You fucking BITCH!" at the top of the lungs. That's what I wanted to see.
Much to my dismay, the competition was confined to a form of shadowboxing called "forms." I don't know what her final score was but Laurie is one of the best in the world at this and I am proud of her and greatly relieved that she likes me very much.
True story: Years ago some nut came to our office with the express purpose of kicking my ass. I asked him to leave and he doubled up his fists. I stood my ground and told him calmly and firmly, " Sir, I am not one to make idle threats. But if you as much as touch me, Laurie is going to come out here and kill you." It worked. He left.
Fuck with me, will he?
Oh. The guy in the Michael Jackson drag? Tongue studs and nipple rings are optional as I understand it.
I sure hope Laurie doesn't kick my ass for writing this.