There Is No Joy In Hogville

"Well, what do you think they're gonna do to Houston?" asked Dr. Bill as he sat down with my chart.

" I try not to think about Houston," I replied.

"I think his biggest problem is that he's a narcissist."

" I don't know about that. I figure anybody who is a head coach in Division I has some narcissistic tendencies."

"Could be," said the world's tallest cardiologist nodding in that absent-minded way that really smart people have when they are thinking about 6 things at once. "Enough about him. So tell me what's going on with you." Thus began the examination.

The Houston of whom we were referring is Houston Dale Nutt, the embattled head coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks whose 2007 version has sputtered to a 1-2 record, blowing leads in the 4th quarter in the two losses despite having the best offensive backfield this side of USC. Go to www.coacheshotseat.com to see just how hot things are getting for Houston dale and some of his colleagues in this murderous business.

As I have said, I am agnostic when it comes to all things Razorback. I follow them for no other reason than they are pretty much the only show in town in these parts. But I also follow them as a matter of cultural anthropology. I confess that I listen to the radio call-in shows. I especially enjoy the consistently moronic "Drive Time Sports" show here in Central Arkansas.

And so, when people ask me if I think that Nutt should be fired I don't have much of an opinion on the subject because I don't much care. But here's what I think for what it is worth.

While I don't think Nutt is a malignant narcissist along the lines of a Bob Knight or 2/3 of the head coaches in the NFL, I think there is a real hysterical component to his personality. He is as high maintenance as a German model and prone to hit the panic button. Teams tend to reflect the personalities of the guys throwing the switches on the sidelines. Nutt tends to do a lot of running around on the sideline. When he's not chewing his fingernails down to the quick while simultaneously sweating like a whore in church, that is.

And then there was the complete debacle during the off-season when most of the highly prized recruiting class out of Springdale, Arkansas transferred. Arkansas is still feeling the effects of the transfer of quarterback Mitch Mustain for no other reason than they now have no quality depth behind its struggling starter. They are stuck with nobody in the bullpen should Casey Dick go down.

The passing game has been a problem for years but Nutt stubbornly persists in calling the plays himself and/or refusing to name an offensive coordinator. The one he hired allegedly to revamp the offense left after one year to take a similar position at Tulsa where they are racking up big numbers. In his place, HDN has brought back retread David Lee and guess what? The passing game still stinks.

And let's not even get into the whack-job fan that filed a FOIA request for HDN's phone records that revealed numerous calls on the cell phone to a woman not his wife, sometimes just before kickoff. Or his wife passing along a poison-pen e-mail to Mitch Mustain from a family friend.

With Nutt, it's all about him all of the time. T'was ever thus. So, the question is how many wins does it take to make up for the exhaustion factor Nutt's turbulent personality brings to the party?

I say, if he runs the table the rest of the season-and who knows? It would be just like him to pull it off-he's almost worth it despite the distractions. Another 6 or 7 win season, I have to think he's gone.

A NFL coach once said in an interview that he tends to overlook non-criminal related behavior issues with his players so long as he is getting the production. Once the production drops below the pain-in-the-ass factor then the player is gone.

I would say we are at the tipping point with Houston Nutt. The pain-in-the-ass factor is starting to outweigh the production factor.

I say he had better run the table if he wants to keep this job.