Enough About Me. What About You? What Do You Think About Me?

We have many women friends and our many women friends tend to unburden themselves around us concerning the state of their relationships with their men. We do not know why this is so. It could not be that we possess any particular insight into relationship issues. Indeed, the Significant Other will soon go off on a weekend sojourn with her girlfriends during which we are certain we will be depicted to the fellow travelers as a no-good, insensitive, drag-assed son of a bitch. And her friends will describe their men in similar fashion. Twas ever thus.

Rather, we think that the reason we get to hear all of these god-awful stories is because we are easily found, we are not judgmental and we always have alcohol in abundance. One does not have to exactly be the second coming of Carolyn Hax if one can make a good martini and knows how to keep one's mouth shut.

After years of dispensing chardonnay and Kleenex in equal we may safely state that the common denominator, the specific gravity of the despair for most of these women is that they are drawn, as the moth to the flame, to narcissists. We can see the eyebrows going up among the, oh, 6 or so people that actually read this blog. We can hear the phrase "Takes one to know one" escaping certain Revloned lips.

No matter. We at TMFW are informed by these women, albeit second handedly through the shrinks, marriage counselors, hairstylists and other mental health care employed by them, that we all fall into destructive patterns and are drawn to certain types in our relationships and that the key is to recognize this and to avoid the less desirable people and patterns. For example, one woman told me " You could put me in a room full of Mormons and I would wind up talking to the one that was a drunk."

So, as a public service, we will provide a list of questions that women should ask themselves prior to getting involved with a man in order to cull out the narcissists on the front end. You may print this off for future reference.

Many narcissists tend to gravitate toward certain professions.

1) Is he a physician?
a) If so, is he a surgeon?

2) Is he a lawyer?
a) II so, is he a trial lawyer?
b) Is he a judicial officer?
c) Is a federal judge?

3) Is he a politician?

4) Is he a member of the clergy?
a) If so, is he a Southern Baptist or Assembly of God minister?
b) Or is one of those non-denominational, powerpoint presenting, "Big Box" congregation preachers?
c) Is he a Minister of Music?

5) Is he a professional athlete?
a) Is he the head football or basketball coach at any NCAA Division I school?
b) Unless he is the head football coach at Rice, Duke,Vanderbilt or Tulane.

6) Is he a financial advisor?

7) Is he in the restaurant business?
a) and we don't mean Shoney's.

8) Is he a musician?
a) does he play the organ, the piano or the violin?
b) If he sings, is he a tenor?

9) Is he a writer?
a) Is he an editorial writer?
b) Is he an editor?

10) Is he a tenured professor?
a) In the liberal arts?

Whatever his chosen field does he refer to himself as
a) a "high-achiever?"
b) someone who "thinks outside the box?"
c) "self-motivated?"
d) Scott Peterson?

Many of our institutions of higher learning produce narcissists the way roses produce scent.

1) Does he wear a class ring?

2) And is the school inscribed thereon (in no particular order)
a) Harvard
b) Yale
c) Princeton
d) Ole Miss
e) The University of the South
f) University of Southern California
g) Clemson
h) The United States Naval Academy
h) 1) Any of those fake military academies like The Citadel
i) Notre Dame
j) Texas or Texas A&M
k) any Division I school in North Carolina except North Carolina State
l) Williams College
m) Haverford College
n) Wharton School of Business
0) Boalt Hall-Berkeley
i) The FBI Training Academy

One can often tell a narcissist by his leisure activities.

a) Did he play Division I sports?
1) And did he play football, basketball or tennis?

b) Does he insist upon coaching all the sports in which his kids are involved?
1) Even the ones he doesn't know the first damn things about?
2) And does he insist upon being referred to as "coach?"

c) Does he still play tennis?

d) Does he play golf?
1) Don't worry about this one. Golf is sufficiently impossible that it leaves the ego of even the most self-reverential in a puddle by the door.

e) Is he involved in the arts?
1) Does he do musical theatre?

f) Is he a bodybuilder?
1) Does he fool around with steroids?

g) Does he collect stuff?

h) Does he participate in fantasy leagues?

i) Does he root for the following teams?
a) The Boston Red Sox
b) Any SEC school except Vanderbilt
1) Especially Alabama, LSU, Tennessee and Ole Miss
c) Notre freaking Dame
d) The Chicago Cubs
e) The Duke Blue Devils and Indiana Hoosiers basketball teams
f) The Philadelphia Eagles
g) The New Orleans Saints
h) The New York Knicks, Giants and Yankees


This list is by no means inclusive. And as those ads for investment firms all say, "Individual results may vary." There are exceptions. But if you get involved with a man who is waving any of these red flags and and it all goes down the crapper, you can't say you weren't warned.

So don't come crying to me. Unless you bring some gin.