Is That A Bottle of Pills In Your Pocket or Are You Just Glad To See Me?

The New York Daily News recently reported that a New Jersey businessman has sued the manufacturer of Alzare which is a pill that purports to enhance penis size. The plaintiff, Michael Coluzzi, claims that Alzare is guilty of false advertising when after paying $59.95 for a 30 day supply, he discovered after a "careful examination" that he had "experienced no increase in penis size."

Our friend Miss J, in what can safely be described as a candid assessment of our interpersonal skills, recently graced us with the following syllogism: " All men are idiots. You are a man. Therefore, you are an idiot." Which struck us as unduly harsh.

But just when we think that our women's near universal low regard for men in general is the by-product of mere hysteria on their part, we need only look to the newspaper. Recently, the sports page alone has provided much grist for the idiot mill. The NHL season was cancelled when both sides couldn't find a way to split the difference between a mere 6 million dollars. Former baseball player Jose Canseco has been popping off to a fair-the-well about about all the guys he claims were using steroids back when he was playing. And using steroids. Reggie Fowler, the new owner of the Minnesota Vikings had to amend his official biography when it was revealed that he really didn't play in either the National Football League or the Canadian Football League as stated therein. Neither had he earned certain degrees from the University of Wyoming. A note to Reggie: You can bs about your accomplishments but you can't bs about your credentials. Facts are troublesome things.

And now we have Michael Coluzzi, who through the instigation of this lawsuit has admitted that a) he thought he was a worthy candidate for a good enhancing, b) that he was stupid enough to buy this product and that after a "careful examination" (entailing God knows what) he c) "experienced no increase in penis size."

How would one go about proving this anyway? His word alone? Before and after pictures? A urologist with a tailor's measuring tape? The testimony of either a sobbing Mrs. Coluzzi or the amused guys back at the gym? We at TMFW are certain that we do not wish to know.

This lawsuit proves once again that some people will simply not let modesty or human dignity get in the way of a buck. But anyone that watches "American Idol" or looks at porno would know that.

It will not surprise Miss J to know that we think she has got it mostly wrong. All men are no more idiots than are all women emotionally labile and nuts.

But some guys sure seem to go out of their way to make her case for her.