The Christmas season is upon us , much to my considerable displeasure. As anyone who knows me even passingly well can attest, I have absolutely no use for the Holidays. My excellent friend Marge made the mistake of asking me the other day why this is so. Since you made the mistake of pointing your browser here, I will tell you as well.
First of all, Christmas has an inordinate impact on the nation's economy for a so-called religious event. Sales at Christmas can make or break businesses. It can plunge the country into a recession. Personal bankruptcies spike on a nationwide basis around February of every year. Any holiday that brings with it the annual prospect of financial ruin on a nationwide basis makes agnosticism look downright sensible if not frugal.
Another reason to hate Christmas is that, from property offenders to shoplifters, crime goes up every Christmas season. Further, the solicitations for phony charities increase during the Yuletide. Last week a disreputable looking young man bearing no identification came to my door seeking a donation for an alleged women's prison ministry called "Second Time Around." I may be a Scrooge but I am a socially useful Scrooge and I am plugged in to the various charities around town. There is no local organization that bears this name and so I sent his ass packing with the heartfelt assurances that I would have him arrested if I ever saw him again. I must have been convincing because he actually ran off down the street. Good.
I hate Christmas because choirs everywhere will attempt to sing "Hallelujah" from "Messiah." "Hallelujah" is as unsingable as it is unlistenable. Further, it is not even part of the Christmas section of the oratorio. It is from the justifiably ignored Easter section. Finally as long as we are throwing cold water on the season, let's throw some on "Messiah" as well. To hear some folks tell it, the fact that Handel cranked out "Messiah" in a couple of weeks is proof that it was a work inspired by Providence. The fact of the matter is a) Handel was a fast worker, a trait made easier by the fact that he was widely known in his day to be a musical plagiarist, and b) the secular operetta business that was in Handel's wheeelhouse back in those days was going through the floor and Georg needed a fast buck. So he slapped together "Messiah." Oh. One other thing. The tradition of standing during "Hallelujah" because George II allegedly was so moved that he stood when he heard it? And examination of the historical record-a record which is widely ignored on other subjects as well when it comes to the Christmas season-reveals that George II probably wasn't even there when "Messiah" made its debut.
The traffic is terrible, people act crazy and folks that have nothing but utter contempt for each other are forced to feign peace and goodwill during those grim anthropological experiments known as office parties.
So do I hate the holidays? Let me count the friggin' ways. I could go on and on.
But I don't have time right now. I have to go Christmas shopping.
And now something from the Shameless Plug department: I will be reading another short story on this month's edition of "Tales from the South." The show will air at 7 pm CDT on December 27th on KUAR FM 89.0. If for some reason you can't hear it you can listen to the broadcast by clicking on the archives on http://www.kuar.org/Tales.html . I am told that it will be broadcast again on Christmas day but you can check the website to make sure.
6 comments:
You should work in a place where they play only politically correct (no reference to Christianity or Jesus) Christmas music. There are only about 7 songs. You will want to cap Frosty the Snowman by Dec. 7th.
No I shouldn't. And neither should you. And if you do, you have my utmost sympathy. The only good that can come from such an idiotic policy toward canned music is that you will be spared "The Little Drummer Boy."
Thanks for writing. Happy Kwanzza.
You have certainly clarified any confusion about your distaste for this jolly holiday.
I'm with you. But I did stop and thank a Salvation Army bellringer yesterday for ringing softly. "People already gots enough problems without more noise" was his reply.
And lo, I just read in my newspaper today that stress-- even when you don't eat more-- makes you gain weight. Now there's some encouraging news for the holidays.
Have another egg nog.
Me, too, on the river.
lucy
Very cool about the radio broadcast! Are any of the archived ones yours?
I dunno 'bout the holidays. Any thing that makes it alright to bring a cut tree into the house and cover it with lights can't be all bad. It *is* stressful though, but very foolish to allow it to cause financial ruin. As for Handle being a "musical plagarist", I had no idea! Today they just call it sampling.
I'm not happy with Blogger/Google for their comment interface changes. Grrrr.
Dotcalm
How can they broadcast your reading "again" on Christmas when the first reading is on the 27th of December? Is this some sort of time conundrum trick?
You need to re-read the post. I said I was reading something again for "Tales From The South." Which I have done before.
You need to start reading for meaning you idiot.
Post a Comment