Looks like I’m a recidivist. I managed to get myself thrown back in Facebook Jail again last week. It was pretty stupid. Even stupider than the last time when I kiddingly threatened to beat up one of my creditors. Ha-ha! I’m a kidder like that.
My brother John had posted something about some guys blowing up a controversial “Stonehenge-like” monument over to Georgia someplace. My comment was to the effect of “Sure. By all means, let’s blow stuff up.”
Boom! The trap door opened and I was swiftly advised by the sarcasm-free algorithms on the job over there that my post had violated Facebook’s community standards. And so I was on the banned list for 24 hours.
FB quickly offered me appeal rights although this offer was tempered by the statement from it that my appeal probably would not be actually read by anybody due to the sheer volume filed out there. This seemed to my lawyer brain to be indicative of a larger procedural problem. But I’m sure they would care even less about my pointing this out to them than the actual merits of any appeal that I might lodge.
God has evidently lent me time to waste so I set out about swiftly to seek justice on my behalf and behalf of similarly situated posters on that platform that have excessive sarcasm enzymes.
My appellate brief was pretty simple. It went something like, “ Your algorithms need to be tweaked to recognize sarcasm and humor. My comment was meant to reflect the banality (have your algorithms look that word up) of resorting to violence against public art. There is not a violent (or courageous for that matter) bone in my body. I am a lawyer that takes pro bono cases. I am a mentor at the local law school. The fact of my chosen profession is further proof of my aversion to violence. I ask you. Have you ever heard of anybody say “Step outside and say that to my lawyer?” Of course you haven’t. Finally, not that she asked to be brought into this, my wife is a Deacon in the United Methodist Church who ministers to and advocates for the homeless.”
“Gentlemen, this is ridiculous. Especially when I could easily point you to any of a number of science, Biden being President and Insurrection deniers braying at the sky with impunity on this platform. And you’re gonna come down hard on me? Again, this is ridiculous.”
I am a realist. I expect that the only satisfaction I will derive from my appeal is the minimal catharsis banging on this keyboard has afforded me.
So, Gentle Reader, the next time you feel led to make some socially relevant commentary on FB (which I do not recommend) do not think that subtlety will be recognized as such by the Great FB Culture Wars Sheriff who evidently has its eye on each and every user.
Go ahead. Let her rip. Be stupid. Bray at the sky.
There’s a good chance they will let that go.
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