In today's column, the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette's Wally Hall shares his thoughts on tonight's BCS Championship game between the Oregon Ducks and the Auburn Recidivists. First, let's set the scene.
Grantland Rice Wally is not: "A blistering, white sunrise is scaling the mountains and there's a desert chill in the air..."
Really? Compared to who?: "Auburn, truly an outstanding university..."
No. They really are. Unless you count UAB: " [i]s almost always the other school in the state of Alabama."
That and they somehow wound up with Cam Newton: "Which may account for some of the success the Tigers have had this season."
The Ducks are standing in the way of stepping out of the Crimson shadow? Huh?: "It is about stepping out of the Crimson shadow, but standing in the way is a good, very good Oregon football team."
Or Cecil Newton's if you want to make the metaphor actually somewhat apt : "Oregon will play like someone is trying to steal its money."
I prefer to think of them as milers with a kick at the end: " The Ducks are sprinters who can go the distance."
Change the word "to" to "about" and it will at least resemble English: " (Oregon)Coach Chip Kelly's mentality to playing on college football's stage is different than (Auburn's Coach) Chizik's"
Oregon State, truly an outstanding university..."[O]regon is the Alabama of that state."
I'm thinking France maybe: "Nike co-founder Phil Knight has made sure has made sure of that (Oregon being the Alabama of that state and all) with updated facilities and enough uniforms to to outfit a medium sized country."
The same one that was another color in the first sentence: "When the searing orange sun sets here today..."
Making stuff up: "[A]merica will be treated to a track meet in shoulder pads and a game that most likely will be decided on the final possession."
And just think. Tomorrow we'll be treated to another column full of such penetrating insights.