Thursday, November 18, 2010

Greetings From The Natural State!

The Arkansas Legislature is back in session, its mighty acts to perform. As we all know, these are exceedingly troubled times. The problems facing our elected representatives are numerous and daunting.

So naturally, the first Bill introduced by a freshman Republican State Legislator was a bill changing the State Motto from "The Natural State" back to "Land of Opportunity." It is my understanding that some of our sister states intend to follow the example of our beloved Arkansas and are changing the mottoes that grace the various license tags that drive through our state en route to somewhere else. Here is but a partial list.

Michigan: The Thank God For Barack Obama State

New York: The Asshole State

Texas: Football, Guns and Jesus!

South Carolina: Lindsey Graham Ain't Gay

California: Insolvent But For Apple and the Porn Industry

Louisiana: The What The Fuck Else Could Happen Down Here State

Kentucky: Cigarettes, Whiskey and Suspicious Fires In Horse Stables

Wisconsin: Come and Freeze in the Land of Cheese

Illinois: An Exceedingly More Corrupt and Colder Version Of California

Colorado: Tell Us Again Why We Joined The Pac 10!

Idaho: We Hate The BCS!

Utah: Where Young Girls Are Not Safe

Alaska: We May Be Totally Dependant On Uncle Sam But We Need To Take Our Flippin' Country Back Dontcha Know?

North Carolina: It's Not Like We Actually Care About Football

Virginia: I'm Sorry. Were You Talking To Me?

South Dakota: Scary White People!

Tennessee: Taking Bids on Memphis!

Wait. This just in. Another Bill will be introduced in the Ledge tomorrow suggestive of another new State Motto.

Arkansas: We Done Lost Our Mind Last Election Day.

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