Social Networking

Little Rock's Dale Miller is in a heap of trouble. According to stories in the Democrat-Gazette yesterday and today, a search for a 16 year old Perry County girl led local authorities to Miller's home near Wye Mountain where he answered the cops' knock on the door clad only in a bathrobe.

While it is certainly not unusual to have to answer the door half dressed, there is no good reason for a grown man to be dressed in such scant attire with a 16 year old girl. It is for this reason that Miller was apprehended by the authorities and charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

Indeed, a bathrobe is one of the more socially appropriate garments Miller has been seen in. For years, he has sashayed about locally wearing skirts and high heels. The license plate on his car spells "Skirtman" phonetically.

He is not one to hide his particularly bizarre light under a bushel. The first time I saw him was some 10 years ago at Riverfest. He was wearing a one piece miniskirt, espadrilles and deely-poppers on his head. The last time I saw him, I was having dinner with my excellent friend Lynne at Sufficient Grounds where he kinda hung out.

The night we saw him he was wearing a cheerleader outfit. What Lynne couldn't get past were the dangly earrings with which he had accessorized his look.

" Those are the wrong kind of earrings for that outfit," she hissed. " Doesn't he know anything?"

Meanwhile, as if he weren't in sufficient trouble, Miller foolishly consented to a search of his home and computer where they found child pornography. Miller obviously had not lawyered up by the time the local paper got to him yesterday because no lawyer would have let him talk to the press. But talk he did.

" My suspicion is since I never knowingly downloaded child pornography, that one of my computer programs picked up something I didn't know about."

And what do his programs search for? Why exhibitionist pornography of course.

That's his defense?

" That's my fetish. I'd rather that not be in the paper but it's part of the explanation of what happened. I can't hide from that."

Sure he could have. He could have kept his big mouth shut. But this is a man who wears women's clothing and deely boppers. Laying low is not his first instinct.

Miller swears he didn't have sex with the girl. But he says she arrived at his house unexpectedly at noon before he had dressed so he threw on the robe. Which doesn't explain why he was still wearing it at 4 when the cops came to call.

And naturally Miller is all over the Internet. He has about 4 homepages devoted to the essential weirdness of Dale Miller. Here he may be seen showing off his gams with the Hooters girls up in Fayetteville. This promptly got him threatened with a lawsuit by Hooters. And of course, he had corresponded with his jailbait girlfriend on Facebook.

As if public ridicule and the threat of incarceration were not enough, the paper reports that UALR is firing him. He did not have a good week.

If Dale Miller asked me for some advice I would tell him 3 things: Shut the fuck up, pull down all of his web pages, and exnay on the ornpay.

I would also tell him that Lynne says you shouldn't wear dangly earrings with a cheerleading outfit.

You just can't make this stuff up.