There is a young woman in my neighborhood. She is about to graduate from law school. She is a 5'9" stalk of blond hair and legs with a backside that belongs in the Louvre. We see each other when we are out running. I first met her a couple of years ago as I was waiting to cross Kavenaugh to go to the gallery. She stopped and introduced herself. Said she had never seen me in a suit before. That's a kid for you.
Since then we have always stopped to chat when we see each other. She tells me about school, the bar exam and job offers. She said that the people at the firm where she is clerking have said nice things about me which is always good to hear. I tell her about stuff going on at the house or at work. And that's about the extent of it.
God knows, anybody will tell you that I am hardly a paragon of virtue. They will tell you that I have an eye for women. But I think that the only reason that this girl gives me the time of day is that she knows that I am not likely to do or say anything inappropriate. To her, I am like a cool uncle or something. Or her older brother's best friend. I'm safe. I am no saint. But at least I know better than to let a 15 year old girl into my hotel room.
Which brings me to the latest twist in the already exceedingly sordid melodrama that is the Roger Clemens story. The New York Post ran a story last Sunday that said that the exceedingly troubled country singer Mindy McCready (pictured above) has had a ten year affair that began with a visit to Rocket's hotel room when she was,what, in the 9th grade? Or would have been if she were not the product of Nashville stage parents. Mindy doesn't deny it. For his part, Roger describes her as a "friend of the family."
Suuuuuure she is. Take a look at the picture. I would ask my female readers whether they would approve of their husband having a "friend" that looked like that. Roger threw his wife under the bus when he testified before Congress. But that was just about the Hall of Fame. Having his lawyer tell the world that a sexpot like McCready is a friend of the family just might piss Debbie Clemens off.
As for McCready, she says nothing went on in the hotel room that night. Maybe so, maybe no. My friend Marge, who has a 16 year old in the house, says it is possible that the kid just wanted to talk talk talk as teenage girls are wont to do.
Still. They couldn't talk out in the lobby? What kind of goddamn fool admits a child into his hotel room? And where were her parents?
Is there nobody connected to this story who isn't a fucked up mess?
Clemens is doomed. His aggressive response to the report that he did steroids is heavily reliant on mantle of integrity that he put upon himself when he appeared before Congress. A completely fucked up young woman said she was in Rocket's hotel room when she was 15. He's red hot and radioactive. No more endorsements. No more insane "independent contractor" deals with clubs who hope that he can summon forth the lightning one more time, hopefully in the Fall. Done. Over.
When I see my young friend we stand on the sidewalk and she tells me what is going on with her. She touches my arm occasionally while she makes a point. I get to spend a few minutes with a beautiful girl from time to time because I am appropriate.
Debbie Clemens would approve.