"The vacation condos are full to the brim. The bartenders are packing speed and the businesses are all merrily decked out for the overtime chimings of "cha-ching-cha-ching." She also noticed that there seemed to be an inordinate number of escort service type girls in this one bar she was in last night, an occurrence she pronounced as "soooo Destin." Indeed, she says the escort ads out-number the employment ads in the local newspaper. Cha-ching indeed.
I don't know much about the working girls. I only know a couple of guys that have owned up to having taken a walk on the wild side. One was drunk and in Vegas. The other one foolishly succumbed to the entreaties of a streetwalker and consummated the transaction in an empty parking deck.
And they say that romance is dead. Seriously, the goddamned fool is lucky he didn't get rolled. Or worse.
Sula's e-mail reminded me of something that happened in New Orleans years ago. Maximum Girlfriend Emeritus LS and I were in a restaurant in the French Quarter some 15 years ago when I noticed a guy who used to play for the Saints. I pointed him out to her.
"Notice the girl he's with?" she asked.
Sure I noticed. Blonde. Sparkly dress. They were seated together across from a local TV sports guy.
" What about her?" I asked.
"She's a hooker." she replied.
Now, oddly enough, LS knew a thing or two about this sort of thing. It would seem that a couple of girls in her dorm partially financed their pursuit of knowledge at Baylor by renting it out from time-to-time. I always found this story nothing short of amazing. One doesn't associate this sort of low commerce with Baylor. Especially the way Baylor was back then. LS was at Baylor back before the Baptist General Convention of Texas stole the school fair and square out from under the Southern Baptist Convention, an event considered sufficiently infamous that to this day the high-haired deacon types still mutter in their Dr. Pepper about it. This was back when Baylor's football team didn't suck out loud. That's how long ago that was. God only knows to what depths Baylor has descended now that they allow dancing and have aspirations of becoming another Wake Forest and everything.
Anyway, LS used to tell me about her dorm mates going out and shaking down these rich old guys about every other Saturday night. She also suspected that there was some of that sort of thing going in the apartments she managed for the local theatre here in town. So she knew a bit about the subject. Still, I had my doubts. To me, the lady across the way just looked like an attractive woman in festive, yet tasteful attire. I saw Nicole Kidman. LS saw Heidi Fleiss. I was curious.
"What makes you so sure she's a hooker?" I asked. "For all you know, you could be slandering an elementary school principal or something."
" Look at her closely." she said. "What's she doing?"
The old Saint was talking in an animated way to the TV guy.
" Nothing." I said.
"Yes she is. She is paying rapt attention to the football player. She's not eating. She's not drinking. She's not looking at the other people in the restaurant. She's 100% locked into him."
" That's it?!?!?!"
" Pretty much."
"C'mon that's ridiculous. Maybe she's just interested in what he's saying."
LS about passed her wine through her nose.
"Yeah, right." she said. "I'm sure he's telling everybody at the table about how he won the big game all by himself or something. I'm sure it's fascinating. Besides, look around you. Do you see any other women acting like that? Of course not. I hate to tell you this, but we don't listen to 2/3 of the shit you men say. What's going on over there goes waaay beyond being polite. You got to pay for that level of attention."
I looked around. I had to admit she was right. There were women all around me and they were talking, eating, putting on lipstick and in general doing anything other than listening to their men. Only one woman in the joint was doing her best Nancy Reagan impersonation and she was the one that was with the old Saint.
Still, I was troubled.
" You don't hang on my every word?" I asked.
She rolled her eyes by way of response.
"Would you if I gave you 200 bucks?"
She took a sip of her wine.
" Sorry, honey. I don't go for less than 5. One of the things that one of the girls at the dorm used to say is that you can't just give it away. Otherwise, they will come to expect it out of you.
"Besides," she said, dabbing at the corner of her mouth with her napkin. " I have my reputation to consider and my Mother is still alive."
Who says a liberal arts education doesn't impart valuable lessons? Even the one that Miss Priss acquired at Baylor in the seventies. Back when real Baptists were running the place, the football team didn't suck out loud, and hookers worked out of the dorms.
**************
It should be mentioned that we just got through with primary elections around here. One of the more hotly contested races is for Lieutenant Governor. Both parties-especially the Democrats- have dumped a ton of money into a race for a completely useless office that could probably be done away with without undue concern for any potential consequences.
And yet, these guys are going up and down the state talking about their positions on education reform, economic stimulation, abortion and stuff like they are candidates for an office that anything other than largely ceremonial in nature.
Hello? The Lieutenant Governor breaks ties in the Senate. He gets to be the Acting Governor whenever the real Governor is out of state, a quirk in the Arkansas Constitution that really could stand to be amended out given the bozos who have occupied that high office in the past. But that's it. Period. He gets to sit there like a bump on a log in exchange for @ 40 grand.
And yet, one of the candidates still standing has invested around 800,000 dollars of his own money to run for this stupid office. The political blogs are burning up the Internet with charges, countercharges and name calling. The ads are bombarding the airwaves. The sheer intensity of the race and the resulting animosity among the candidates' supporters is a puzzlement to me.
When Woodrow Wilson left the White House he returned to academe and became President of Princeton University. He once said that the reason academic politics were so fierce was "because the stakes are so small." Maybe that explains the race for Lieutenant Governor of Arkansas as well.
So we are stuck with these guys and their damned ads for another 3 weeks until the runoff election for this two-bit office. Invariably each campaign will show scenes of their guy shaking hands and listening intently to the man on the street. Don't be too impressed by that.
Hookers do that too. They pretend to pay attention.
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