My Sunday Feeling

Frederick Exley called it “the nervous light of Sunday.” That’s how he described the light emitted by the television during broadcasts of New York Giants football games in his novel “A Fan’s Notes.” For those who don’t know the book, “A Fan’s Notes” is a “fictional” account of a man’s obsession with pro football. If you ever want to read something that is brilliant, under-edited, terrifying, heart breaking and stupid all at once, I commend it to your attention, even if you don’t like sports.

I thought of old Ex when I noticed that the NFL Conference Championships are today. I also thought of an old college classmate and something that happened out on the golf course years ago.

My buddy PM used to live out in West Little Rock before he and his wife had the sense to move back to civilization. Back in those days, he lived across the street from a guy named J who was a year or so behind me in college. One day in the late summer or early fall, we all met out on the golf course to play a round.

One of the things I actually like about golf is that you spend a lot of time waiting around and shooting the bull. We were on a tee box waiting for the fairway to clear when J mentioned that he and some friends were going to New York. They were not going to take in the shows or eat at the restaurants or to go to the museums. They were going so they could hole up in a hotel for 2-3 days and draft players for their fantasy football leagues that they place wagers on all season.

I remember asking why they had to do this in New York. I mean, wouldn’t the Red Roof Inn on I-30 suffice? He told me that I didn’t understand. And in truth, I did not. But it seemed that the only way that the wives tolerated this operation was if it took place somewhere where they could go have fun while the men in their lives discussed things along the lines of Aaron Brooks’s throwing motion while eating room service.

This seemed to me to be a pretty God-damned expensive way to keep peace in the family. “And besides,” I said. “If the NFL quit doing business tomorrow, I wouldn’t miss it one bit.”

All of a sudden, it was like a switch went off in his brain.

“Let me tell you something buddy!” J said, his voice tremulous with anger. “It’s damned important to some of us. And don’t you forget it!” I thought for a moment that he was going to take a swing at me. You would have thought that I had spit on the flag or set the Bible on fire judging from the vehemence of his reaction to what I thought was a fairly innocuous comment.

Looking back on it, I should not have been surprised by his reaction. Anybody that thinks nothing of dumping a couple of grand to go make a vacation out of drafting the adult version of imaginary friends to bet on has a fairly serious relationship with gambling on the NFL.

Another friend of mine that bets a lot on sports says that the object of the game is to make sure that the bookie has to leave the house with money on Monday morning; meaning that he has to go pay off on the bets he took. Betting on NFL football is huge in this country. The truth of the matter is, I don’t see how you can really make much money wagering on the NFL. The only way to make-or lose-big in sports wagering is if shit happens and you are on the right side of it when it does. The NFL is organized to minimize that. Contrary to its buttoned down corporate image, the NFL is set up as a quasi-socialist organization that shares revenue with its teams on a fairly equal basis. The bad news for fans is that under this model, there is no real penalty money-wise for being the Arizona Cardinals. The good news for most fans is that while you have a few really good teams and a few really bad teams, everybody else is pretty much in the middle. Which minimizes the opportunity for shit to happen.

Shit happens in college sports because you are dealing with kids. Shit happens in the NBA. Ask Donnie Walsh, whose Indiana Pacers played a lot of last season with about a third of the team suspended after Ron Artest’s legendary foray into the stands. It is true that shit rarely happens in Major League Baseball. But that’s because MLB has rigged the game to where only the big media teams have a real chance. But even at that, baseball is pretty much run by idiots who spend money like water on has been free agents in hopes for a one year run. And so last season the World Series was won by the Chicago White Sox whose bargain basement pitching staff held up better than those of the far richer Yankees and Red Sox. Quelle surprise!

If the Seattle Seahawks or the Carolina Panthers win today, eyebrows may rise. But nobody will be shocked. Apart from a Terrell Owens here or a Hurricane Katrina there, shit doesn’t much happen in the NFL. It may be a good business model but it makes it hard to bet on.

Like I told J, I don’t watch much NFL football apart from when the Saints are on. I know. I also look at car wrecks too. Neither one are admirable traits. But it is a rainy, nasty day today. There’s nothing much else to do but watch the playoffs. What the hell, maybe there will actually be some good games. But it will be strictly background noise as I read the New York Times, hang pictures or shred documents in anticipation of the tax season. You know, the usual rainy day activities.

But that’s just me. I know that J and millions of other people will spend this afternoon in the nervous light of Sunday. And they will hope, no, they will bet, that tomorrow the bookie will leave the house with money for once.