When you write about spring training in baseball you have to described the experience as being encamped. And when the players leave for the regular season session of sptting, scratching and chasing women who are not their wives, you have to write that they "broke camp." It is in the rules. This is despite the fact that these various "camps" where these "athletes" "train" are more day spa than Valley Forge (Now there was a camp). The San Francisco Giants are in currently encamped in Scottsdale, Arizona. This is where Barry Bonds attempted to come across as Christ figure of the pharmaceutical labs during an impromptu press conference yesterday.
We know us plenty of lawyers here at TMFW. And we know a thing or two about the criminal justice system if only by osmosis. We think, but do not know, what might have instigated yesterday's pity party. We suspect that either Bonds, his trainer and the woman who has come forward claiming to be his mistress are getting sweated by the Feds concerning his involvement with steroids.
Let's assume for the sake of argument that Bonds has progressed from a mere Grand Jury witness to a target of the investigation. This is what they are most likely doing:
1) It has been reported that Greg Anderson, Bonds' personal trainer and "life long friend" is trying to cut a deal. According to a transcript leaked to the San Francisco Chronicle which purports to be the secret Grand Jury testimony of Barry Bonds, Bonds testified that while he had used steroids, he didn't know what they were at the time. So, they probably went back to Greg and asked him "Oh yeah?" If Greg says Bonds knew, better yet if Greg has documents that reflect that Bonds knew that the substances he was taking were steroids, Bonds has a problem.
2) About a month ago, a woman named Kimberly Bell popped up claiming to be the mistress of Barry Bonds. She says that Bonds told her that he was taking steroids between 1999 and 2000 for the reason that it helped him recover from injury quicker. She also said that Bonds gave her 80 grand which she used for a down payment on a new house. What do you want to bet that she didn't report this payment, or any others if any, to the IRS? And what do you want to bet that the FBI already has her last 5 tax returns? And what do you want to bet that they would be willing to go light on the tax evasion charge in exchange for her testimony that Bonds was on the juice? So now Bonds has problem # 2 in addition to a problem with Mrs. Bonds. If we were Bonds we might be consulting with Kobe Bryant about his suggestions for a jeweler.
3) If Bonds isn't a target of the investigation why wasn't he subpoenaed by Congress during last week's grandstanding hearing on the issue of steroids in baseball? As some wag said, " Not subpoenaing Barry Bonds for an investigation into steroids in baseball is like not subpoenaing Al Capone for an investigation on mob crime in the Twenties." Even Congress is not that stupid. We suspect that the Committee looking into these matters was advised by the prosecutors that compelling Bonds to appear before it would jeopardize the criminal case against him.
And we suspect that Barry Bonds has been advised about all of this by his lawyers. Which might explain why he is so frigging touchy nowadays. We rather prefer Barry Bonds the sullen prick to Barry Bonds the whiney bitch.
We suggest that he get back on the juice. But only after getting a prescription first. We think he needs the testosterone boost.
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