My Sunday Death In Venice (Or Hillcrest) Feeling

I'm sure I've never seen anything like this.  I remember some kind of flu going around during the Ford Administration where there were mass inoculations performed the government.  I caught that bad flu that was going around about 2000 or so.  First (and so far only) time in my life I couldn't get out of bed. And that was after taking the flu shot.

But the recent coronavirus, or rather the government's inept response to it, has produced an economic and social disruption on a mass scale.  The stock market tanked, grocery store shelves are bare and toilet paper is damn near legal tender.  And for the second time in my life, the first being 9/11 I can't find a ballgame on the tube.  In March.  When generally all kinds of cool stuff is going on.

But I also realize that not being to watch the NCAA Tournament is nothing in the vast scope of things.  This pandemic has the potential to strain the medical system in this country out to the max.  People infected here in Little Rock will die.  Not many more than likely.  But people will die.

I am not typically an anxious person.  But I have the same sort of free-floating angst that I experienced during 9/11.  Only maybe a little worse now.  I can't really figure out why.  Maybe it's because I've been a little sick with a nasty case of bronchitis that is only now starting to clear up after two weeks of shots and horse pills.  Maybe it's because it is because I have a family now and feel th need to protect them.  Although it's not like I can go out and buy a gun or something.  Although I've never gone through quite anything like this, I'm used to slogging through major problems by myself.  I feel a greater responsibility than I did.  indeed, Joe will be back home tonight.  Hendrix College shut itself down for the remainder of the semester.  The family that pandemics together stays together.  

Maybe it's because I am in the so-called group most that is most "at risk" for an unfortunate outcome in case of an infection.  I'm in my sixties and I have asthma.  I do not need this.  No I do not.  

But am I in a panic?  No.  I'm pretty good at keeping my eye on the ball.  Apart from my lousy upper respiratory system I enjoy robust good health.  Up until I was struck down by my latest spell I was exercising regularly.  I'm married to a medical professional who is also an ordained minister of the Gospel.  That's pretty strong ju-ju.  And while the word "pandemic" is kinda scary, I know it refers to spreadability of the virus and not its lethality.  If I catch it I am unlikely to croak.  


I think if I take sensible precautions I will be fine.  I like where I live.  I stay here a lot anyway since I don't have to go into an office on a daily basis.  We eat here a lot.  That's one of the side effects of having a vegan wife.  She cooks a lot.  I am by my nature a clean person so I don't worry over much about picking something up off the street.  Especially since I don't work in a government building anymore where every malady known to man comes in and drinks from the water fountains.  And the Deacon and I have already been practicing social distancing of a sorts and have tended to keep to opposite ends of the house during this amusement.  I've been coughing and she treats germy little kids.  It just makes sense.  My doctors don't have time to fool with my nickel and dime problems.  

And although it is really strange not to be able to watch sports, it won't be so bad.  I got plenty of stuff to read, movies to watch and law to practice.  Nobody has said that getting out in the fresh air is incompatible with social distancing.  In fact, if the weather is pleasant I will spend most of my time on my front porch and take walks so I can get plenty of it.  

But my God.  There's no denying the hardship all of this is putting on people.  Churches are shut down.  In Lent they are shut down.  Schools all over the country have closed.  Which means folks that can't afford day care will have to stay home from work.  Some kids may not be able to get the one solid meal their school provides them per day.  State and local governments are scrambling to try to provide services against an enemy made up of many moving parts.  And the fingerpointing and paranoia on social media has reached radioactive proportions.  Real scientists are forced to slug it out with amateur epidemiologists who got their degrees from Facebook.  The scientists seem to be finally getting up off the mat . So far.

Maybe the anxiety in the back of my heart has to do with the feeling that nobody at the top levels of government seems remotely competent in its response to this crisis.  And even though it is ramping up now, the reaction up until now has been slow and inadequate.  Thank God we have a sensible and pragmatic governor in Asa Hutchinson who thus far has hit all the right notes and has provided calm and steady leadership.  Unlike our alleged Commander-in-Chief, whose occasionally unhinged worldview world and concerns extends no further than TV ratings and poll numbers.       

This is the greatest country in the world.  And its being run like a kindergarten.  I take that back.  A kindergarten run in this fashion would lose its license.

But there's nothing I can do about that.  At least not until November.  

Joe will be home tonight.  This means, God help us, we will have to go to the grocery store because pandemic or no pandemic the boy consumes mass quantities.  And we don't have sufficient provisions in the commissary yet.  

We will get through this.  We will return to a patchwork normal.  But I fear that this pandemic has changed us forever.

And maybe that is where the anxiety is coming from.