Monday, July 06, 2015

The Opposite of the Manly Art of Pugilism

"Any man who hits a woman is a coward. And I don't need cowards on my football team."
                                                                                     Then Texas Tech Coach Mike Leach

Thus was Mike Leach quoted by Jeff Benedict and Armen Keteyian in their expose of college football entitled "The System." Leach was talking about his code of conduct that governed what players did off the field.  The erudite and eccentric Leach-now at Washington State-called his code the Three Queen Mothers.  Players who were caught stealing, smoking dope or hitting a woman were kicked off the team.  Period. No questions asked.

The image above is of Florida State quarterback De'Andre Johnson slugging a woman in a Tallahassee bar last month.  You can see the full video here on

It appears that Johnson and the woman were jostling for position at the rail.  Things evidently got testy and the woman appears to take a swing at Johnson.  He then pops her good and beats a hasty retreat.  Er, let's change that to makes a hasty retreat.

FSU Head Coach Jimbo Fisher, who certainly is no stranger to recent high spirited antics from his student-athlete quarterbacks-has hauled off and suspended Johnson from the football team on an indefinite basis.  Johnson has also been charged with misdemeanor battery by local law enforcement.

First the human sideshow known as Jameis Winston and now this.  Can they recruit quality human beings at Florida State or what?

Let's not make this too complicated.  The video reveals that a putatively drunk chick tried to take a half-ass swing at him.  But can it seriously be said that Johnson was acting in self-defense?

No. It can't.  Hearken unto the words of Johnson's lawyer as quoted an hour or so in

"While it is clear from the video that De'Andre Johnson was not the initial aggressor," attorney Jose Baez said with presumably a straight face. " [h]is family wants to take the lead in helping him learn and grow from this experience."

It gets better.

"He is currently participating in community service, and faith-based programs focused on battered women, substance abuse and the empowerment of children."

This is an organ recital.  It is not a defense.

Nobody asked me but Jimbo Fisher-or whoever is in charge of FSU (and by that I mean the actual institution of higher learning)- would do well to adopt Mike Leach's Three Queen Mothers as the Seminoles' code for off-field conduct.  Don't hold your breath.

I asked the following rhetorical question on Facebook:

"What does it take to get kicked off the team at FSU?  Shooting up a convent?"

My buddy Don posted the following:

"Throwing too many interceptions."

Look for De'Andre in the Garnet and Gold about October.  Surely this will mean that he will have "learned and grown" from "this experience" by then.  And that he will have had the self-indulgent pussiness rehabbed out of him too.

Yeah right.  Business is business.


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