I have only been to Florida once and I enjoyed myself very much. Of course, I had gone to Florida merely to play golf. I did not travel to the Sunshine State to attempt to cast my vote in an honest election. Nor did I go over there to litigate a case before "Judge" Larry Seidlin. I don't think I would have enjoyed myself very much if I had been forced to do either.
For those of you who have been living in a tree the past week or so, Larry Seidlin (pictured hereinabove weeping from the bench as he read his decision in the case) was the presiding judge in the ostensibly serious case concerning who would be the proper party to take custody of the body of Anna Nicole Smith.
There has been a lot written about Seidlin's thoroughly ridiculous demeanor in the courtroom and I won't add much to what has already been said. Except that I liked celebrity criminal lawyer Roy Black's comment that he would have said that Judge Seidlin had turned the case into a circus but that " I sort of think it gives circuses a bad name."
Look, I'm depressed enough as it is. I didn't think that a steady diet of this man's turning what on paper should have been an exceedingly solemn proceeding into an ego-driven fiasco would much improve matters in that regard. So I didn't watch just a whole lot of it. But I saw enough to arrive at 3 conclusions.
1) Anna Nicole Smith had a serious substance abuse problem. There was much testimony about her using aliases to get narcotics from different physicians. There was a video of her taken about a month before she gave birth to her daughter. She was inexplicably wearing clown makeup. She was slurring her words. Alleged husband Howard K. Stern can be heard asking her if she was "on mushrooms." He later testified that he was joking.
2) Speaking of Mr. Stern, from what I can tell, he is about as repellent a human I have seen in a courtroom since Orenthal James Simpson. Some witnesses you just don't believe. It's a vibe they give off. Or as a female friend in Texas who reads the blog put it more succinctly, " He is definitely a creep. But you don't get to run around like she did and pick up Dobie Gillis right?" I guess not. In any event, as far as I could tell, the only time he flat out told the truth after stating his name for the record was when he admitted that, although he had held himself out as Anna Nicole's attorney, he had not actually practiced law, or done much of anything other than sponge off of Anna Nicole since 2001. Which brings me to my 3rd conclusion.
3) Anna Nicole was poorly served by the men in her life. This is an observation about which my Texas friend wrote "Now there's an understatement." If ever a woman has ever taken up with a more motley collection of bums, enablers and nuts than did Anna Nicole Smith I don't know whoo it is. And what is remarkably sad about the recent furor concerning who might be the biological father of her infant daughter, out of all of the worthies that have come forward to claim paternity, I don't believe I've heard anybody admit to having loved her. That's impossibly sad.
Granted, Anna Nicole was not the brightest bulb on the porch. And you can't disport yourself like she did and expect to wind up with Dobie Gillis. But one would hope that in death Anna Nicole would finally secure the peace and dignity she never found in her ridiculously flamboyant life.
But until she is in the ground, I will continue to bet the under on the "peace and dignity" thing.
And now, here's a special announcement! My buddy in North Carolina obviously has too much time on his hands and has taken up the dark practice of blogging. Trust me. This is going to be good. Really good.
Go to http://polycarpblog.blogspot.com/ and see for yourself. I will add him to this space once I remember how to do it. Actually, when my new computer is delivered next week, my buddy PM will come over and show me how to pimp this space in exchange for drinks of whiskey.