My Sunday Feeling

"Life is Crazy."-Iggy Pop

A friend of mine died last week. Paul had gone in for minor surgery on his neck. The surgery was successful. As I understand it, close to the time when he was to have been discharged, one of his sons discovered that he was having difficulty breathing. From there he went into full blown respiratory distress. They couldn't bring him around. He died Thursday night. He was 54.

God almighty.

Paul was a trial lawyer. Like most trial lawyers, he was a pretty intense guy. But he was also a very kind and fun loving person when the mood struck him. He lived in the neighborhood. He used to delight in sneaking up behind me in his big ole Cadillac while I was out running. He would follow me for awhile and then lay on the horn just to see me jump out of my skin. I would have killed anybody else for doing that. But he was the kind of guy you couldn't get mad at. I was telling one of my friends yesterday that Paul once told me that the reason he liked me was because I had "such a nice disposition."

I thought my friend was going to pass out from laughing.

Hell, it wasn't that funny.

When my Aunt Jean died, Uncle Bill asked me to look into the possibility of suing Merck, who manufactured the Vioxx that Jean was taking for her knee. Paul volunteered to visit with Bill. He said he would take an afternoon to go over there and that he would take all the time that was necessary to explain his options to him. During our luncheon conversation about this, I expressed my doubts as to how much a case like this was worth. After all, Jean was 80 when she died.

" Every life has value," Paul said. " Merck knew-they KNEW!-that Vioxx wasn't safe when they put it on the market. Your Aunt Jean was a healthy elderly woman. She could drive her car. She could go to church activities. She took care of your Uncle. One night she goes to bed and she doesn't wake up, probably due to a coronary. And now your Uncle, a stroke victim himself, wakes up one morning to find that his wife of 60 years has gone on ahead. She didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve this. Juries have a way of understanding these things. They really do if you can get through all the bullshit you have to do to get it in front of them. Because every life has value. Every one."

I talked to Charles-one of his brothers- yesterday. The family is doing okay all things considered. They are a pretty close knit bunch. I told Charles that I last saw Paul about a week or so ago. He was parked at a red light. He held his fist to the side of his head as if he were holding a phone to his ear. He mouthed the words "Call me." I told his brother how sorry that I was that I didn't call.

"Awwwww, you can't think that way." he said. " I mean, it's not like any of us could have expected that something like this would have happened. You don't expect that somebody you see all the time will dead in a week. "

He paused.

" Then again, I suppose that we are all guilty of thinking that we have all the time in the world and that nothing bad will ever happen to us. Obviously that's not true either."

I met my friends for a dinner last night down in the River Market. There was all kinds of activity down there last weekend. There was the Arkansas Literary Festival. All kinds of authors were brought in to speak. I went to a cocktail party earlier in the evening. Me and another lawyer here in town had our picture made with some author of children books that was there for the Festival. He and I grew up in Southwest Little Rock and soon we will be gracing the insides of one of the local society magazines.

The irony was not lost on us.

It was also prom night and the streets were full of dressed up teenagers. The girls all looked pretty good. The boys, for the most part, looked kind of ridiculous. But then again, maybe I look pretty ridiculous in a tux too.

After dinner, I walked around in the River Market. It was a beautiful evening and the streets were full of life. I had not been down there in over a year. I walked by a restaurant I used to frequent. I put my hand to the window. We humans are tactile by nature. It is almost as if you can bring something back if you touch it.

Even if you know it's not true. But you touch anyway.

Life is crazy. You think you got it figured out and boom! before you know it you are pimp-slapped by reality. But Paul was right. Every life has value. Every one. We take each other for granted and we take for granted the time we have here on earth. You. Me. The writers of all the words who were flown in for the Festival. The pretty young people playing dress-up on President Clinton Avenue last night. Every one of us. We think we have forever. We think we have all the time in the world.

Goodbye buddy. Running down Kavanaugh just won't be the same.

God, how I wish I had called you.