The Strange Man Walks, the Rich Old Guy Doesn't and Wally Gets It All Wrong

Today we go straightaway to the criminal justice system wherein you can find all the action you want from the sports and entertainment world.

Let us begin with the BIGGEST STORY IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE which is the acquittal of Michael Jackson. We at TMFW don't really have much to say about this except that we are reminded of what some wag said when OJ Simpson was acquitted: "The prosecution worked really hard to frame a guilty man." I mean, of course, he's guilty. One doesn't share a bed with another warm body over 300 times without having sex.

Without being married,that is. But I digress.

They proved beyond the shadow of a reasonable doubt that Michael Jackson is a sexual deviant, a semi-retard and a consummate strange ranger. The strategic advantage the One-Gloved One had over law enforcement was that he wasn't charged with any of that.

People will say that the outcome here is more proof that the jury system doesn't work. We at TMFW say it is proof that it does. When the prosecution comes in with a half assed case where its star witnesses are impeached to a fair-the-well and revealed to be a bunch of whack jobs and grifters, the defendant ought to walk. Even one as repellent and obviously guilty as Michael Jackson.

They proved Michael Jackson is a nut and a creep. The people of Los Angeles County should be grateful to the prosecution for spending millions of dollars to prove the self-evident. As Norm McDonald said years ago upon the divorce of Wacko and Lisa Marie Presley, " I guess being married to a homosexual child molester was just not what it was cracked up to be."

At least Elvis was spared this circus.

But enough about Neverland and the strange ranger that lives there. Let is turn instead to an offense which is near and dear to all of us who follow college sports: Dirty Recruiting. Wealthy businessman and Alabama booster Logan Young was recently sentenced in federal court in Memphis to 6 months imprisonment, which is to be followed by home detention and restitution. This was after he had bribed a Memphis high school coach to deliver local high school football phenom Albert Means to the Crimson Tide. I vividly remember the comments of an assistant coach for Oklahoma (whose name escapes me) who was in town to attend a local banquet. When asked what he thought about the then-breaking scandal he was quoted as saying, "150,000 bucks? For just one guy?"

In any event, the sentencing of Mr. Young, who was described in his June 15 disquisition of this subject as "friends with two of my buddies", drew the peripatetic gaze of Wally Hall, the sports "editor" of the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette who decried the fact that a 64 year old man was going to prison for such a trifling matter. Wally should have left it at that. But no, he felt compelled to turn this case into the second coming of the Rosenberg Trial.

Wally wrote, " Young should not have been in federal court. Period." and "Apparently, Young gave [the coach] $ 150,000 to make sure Means signed with Alabama five years ago. How is that a federal crime?"

Well, we at TMFW will explain just how Mr. Young found himself in front of a jury of his peers over his participation in the dirty arm's race that is recruiting in SEC football.

First let us examine Wally's contention that Young was "found guilty of bribing a public official, which is a federal offense." Wally is correct. The crime of Public Servant bribery is indeed a violation of the United States Criminal Code. Ask Edwin Edwards. He knows.

Only Young wasn't convicted of that. Hell, he wasn't even charged with that.

The following is a TRUE STORY which might help illustrate the mysterious ways of how federal criminal jurisdiction happened to reach this latest example of the old "hundred dollar handshake" which is the mother's milk of Division I sports in these parts.

I was once visiting a lawyer buddy of mine in his office in Jackson, MS. He had just got off the phone with an Assistant United States Attorney concerning a sentencing date for his client.

" What's he pleading out to?" I asked.

" Rape." Hugh replied.

" Since when is rape a federal offense?"

" When you do it on an Indian Reservation."

The lesson? Federal Jurisdiction often depends on where you commit the crime, whether you used the telephone, put it in the mail or if you crossed a state line to commit the offense. Even if the crime is not a federal offense.

Basically the underlying charge for which Logan Young was indicted was of crossing a state line to commit a crime, namely breaking state bribery laws. Is that a slender reed upon which to make a federal case? Hell, yes it is. Which is why his defense team filed a Motion to Dismiss. The Court denied it citing Tennessee case law on bribing public officials which it felt would cover the offense of bribing a coach to induce a kid to play football at a particular crime. As the court stated, reference to a violation of state law is necessary only to identify the type of unlawful activity the defendant intended to engage. After that ruling came down, Young "had hisself a problem" as the old-timer defense lawyers say.

Or as my friend Don, who used to represent white collar criminal types back in Alabama, is fond of saying, "State lines are troublesome things."

You get the idea.

He was also indicted for conspiracy to commit racketeering and structuring bank withdrawals to avoid detection through the law requiring banks to report withdrawals over 10 grand to the Treasury. This is known as "stacking charges." And it goes on every day Grand Juries meet in courthouses throughout the land. Ask Jim Guy Tucker.

But he wasn't convicted of bribery. Wally was absolutely 100% flat-assed wrong on that one. One thing about stuff that's on the public record? It can be looked up. From your computer.

But what do I know? Maybe it's just easier to make stuff up.

I also have no idea how Young found himself in the cross-hairs of the FBI. Rumor has it Tennessee's Phil Fulmer snitched him off. Perhaps he made the mistake of dealing with someone who was already the subject of an investigation or who had bragged to someone who was who came forward with this tidbit in exchange for his own freedom. Who knows? The criminal justice world is a dark and evil place. Tassel-loafered good old boys like Young need to leave crime up to the professionals. They are better at it.

Young is free pending appeal. Maybe Wally and his buddies can console him with dinner at Corky's. It might be easier, all things considered to have this pity-party over at the one over in Memphis. He just might not be able to leave Tennessee without Court approval.